Old Things

Some days you just feel down. Like life is going in circles and it is never going to change. And that you'll never be good enough, pretty enough, funny enough, smart enough, outgoing enough. And this is hard. So much harder that I ever thought possible. 

I have a secret, I still love someone. And it hurts, and I don't know why and I have tried to move on and get over him but it fails. Sure, I have liked other people but I feel like there will never be anyone who will ever reciprocate those feelings for me. Guys seem great and there are moments when i think that they may be interested in me, but then all at once I find out that they are very interested in someone else. It is always someone else. I'm tired of getting hurt. The only reason that I wont give up and I will endure all of the pain is that I KNOW that there is someone out there who will love me as I love them. And for that reason I will keep trying. 

It doesn't matter that I keep getting kicked to the dirt, that only means that I have to get up. That I haven't found the one that will care enough to put time, effort and energy into me and our relationship. And the opposite is true, that I haven't found the one that really appreciates my efforts as well. 

This is also a sign that I am not the person that I am meant to become to complement them in a way that The Lord knows I can.

All of this is a struggle. Getting my heart broken time and time again is hard and tiring ans hurts, but things aren't good until the end, so if it isn't good it's not the end. 

Faith is one thing that will get me through this hard time. It will help to keep me strong and help me to have the energy and stamina that it takes to get to that end -- to get to the person who is loved, who is ready to love. 

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Even though I can't see it yet, I know that it is there, somewhere. 

I am someone with many insecurities. They are probably irrational, but still they remain. Some are able to be resolved and others not so much. 

     *My weight. I know I am not fat, nor in shape. I never really have been. I don't enjoy any type of exercise and therefore have an impossible task of actually working out. I haven't found this energy since my weights class in high school. This is something that I plan to work on/change in the coming year -- but one thing is certain, I am not doing this for anyone else. I am doing it so I can feel better about myself. I want to be more confident. 

     *My personality. I know that I am not the most outgoing. I don't get along too well with new people. I feel like I can't connect with people, that I am too different. One thing that I want to implement in my life is to TRY NEW THINGS and NOT SAY NO. I want to experience life, to find things that I can relate to people about. 

All of this is essentially word vomit. Nobody cares to read this about me, and quite frankly I am only doing this to face my issues. Writing things down is something that I am working on, because not writing things causes forgetfulness and that is something that I need to work on.

I am not perfect, I never claimed to be, and I never claim that I will be. There are so many things that I do wrong, that I can't do. But I can try: try to be better, stronger, kinder, healthier.

I hope to post later about the New Years Resolutions that I am going to be setting for myself, until then, I am formulating them and enjoying my break until heck starts again in January. 

Service

I have learned quite a bit about service these last few days.

On Sunday I went to church in my parent's ward. I went to Young Women's with my mom and sister. The lesson was on spiritual gifts. When we were talking about them, I thought of my roommate. She always seems to be thinking of others and serving them in ways that aren't a big deal to her, but make a difference to them. I thought to myself that I wanted to develop this gift.

Of course, I have gifts of my own and one that I have been striving to develop is to trust in authority. In the last little while I have been given callings at church that I quite honestly don't think I am fit for. The Compassionate Services Committee and Activities Committee Co-Chair. 2 callings that I feel genuinely scared to complete. But I trust my bishop and the Lord in the way that I will never receive a calling that I won't be able to fulfill.

Today I experienced the spirit of giving for myself. A few days ago we had a family party and my mom brought a bacon present. Calendar, actually bacon, a key chain etc. So when I saw the bacon calendar I thought of a girl I know, Carina, who lives close to me. She loves bacon. We are not close friends or anything, but as soon as I saw the calendar I knew that she would love it. So I was at City Creek with some people and we went into a store with  -- what do you know, calendars -- and I set out to find the bacon calendar. I found it and purchased it. I wasn't the same, but a mini version. Carina wasn't home when I got there, but I slipped it under her door with a note attached. She texted me and told me that she appreciated the thought and that it made her day.
I'm not sure that I've ever felt so great before. It wasn't a big deal to me, and it didn't take a second thought but it made a difference to me and I am very happy.

The spirit of giving is real, and I am so grateful that I got to experience it today.

Progress

Progress is always changing. There are days that are really great, and then there are some that are hard to deal with. Either way, learning is always done, whether it teaches you something to improve or teaching you something that you already knew.

I was talking to a friend, and he mentioned that I may need to change the way that I do some things or think about some things. We talked about listening to the spirit and following its promptings.

Whilst thinking about these things, I pondered all week about something that I should learn more about. And I came up with a 2 part solution of sorts. I have learned about the Atonement in multiple situations, but haven't ever really applied it in my own life. So I decided to study the Atonement this week.

This morning I printed out a General Conference talk about the Atonement. Guess what happened, our lesson in Sunday School was about the Atonement. It amazes me that the Lord knew that that lesson was the one that I needed today. It wasn't the one that was supposed to be taught according to the schedule, but I felt like the teacher was speaking directly to me. This has never happened to me before, the feeling that the teacher was speaking directly to me. It was amazing and I am so happy that I was able to attend.

Blank Space

I just wrote a blog post on my other blog about this same topic, the only difference is that I can be more specific on this blog than my other one.

Taylor Swift wrote a song called "Blank Space" and its about wanting to start something with someone because you've got a blank space next to your name and you'd like to see what happens. That's how I feel about someone right now.
Blank Space

So I started hanging out with this guy like a month ago. He is really amazing. I've been pondering the last little while about the people that I associate with. There was one guy that I liked, and I still do, but I'm nearly positive that nothing is going to happen with that one and that is fine with me.

This other guy. Is so not my type, he is tall and skinny. He's 6'4". A foot and 2 inches taller than I am. But that really didn't make any difference. Since the first time we started hanging out we just got along and have stuff to talk about nearly all the time. A few days ago I had spent like 4 hours with him, just pretty much us. And when I got home, I told my roommate that I was trying really hard not to like him because I still think that nothing is going to happen with us. And right now that's great, I am just fine being friends, it's just comfortable.

Thinking about all the fun that we have just makes me smile. I mean, the 2nd time that we ever really hung out we walked around BYU campus for 3 hours just talking. And he literally lifted me up and threw me into a pile of leaves - that's when I  knew that he was different.

I really want to go on a date with him, I think that it would be fun, and it means that I get to spend time with him. Good golly what is happening to me.

Birthdays

So a couple weeks ago was my birthday. I had to tell someone my age and it was weird to say 20. On the actual day my brother was in town and we hung out for a couple hours, which was really nice. When we got back from the mall (he had a job interview) my roommates had dressed up the door of our apartment. There were balloons, a poster with nice things on it, and sticky notes with compliments and well wishes from people that I know. It was the sweetest thing and I almost cried. It was amazing to know that they cared. In addition there was a bouquet of flowers and cupcakes. And a pinata. We ordered pizza and invited a few people over, it was just right. Later we watched a movie and had more people over. The perfect way to end the night. The only downside is that the guy I like had to leave early to finish his homework.

On Thursday I went home to have dinner and get some presents. We ate fried chicken with potatoes and biscuits. It was so yummy and I ate far too much. I got some great stuff, I got a Toothless build-a-bear, body spray and scrub, earrings and a hoodie thing. I was very happy!

Friday was the finale to my birthday celebrations. We went on a group date - ice skating. Finding a date was a little stressful because the guy I wanted to ask originally broke his toe, and the other 2 were working. So I ended up asking another friend. And it was so stinking fun. We gathered together at my apartment and headed out. There were 6 couples and I think that we all got along pretty well. I am so happy that I went with Jared! He was an awesome date (and it doesn't help that he's darn attractive either). Even though it wasn't exactly what I had planned, I think that it was exactly what I needed. I;m so glad that we did it!

Usually I try not to draw too much attention to my birthday, but this year it seemed like there was a lot of attention on me. I didn't mind too much though, it wasn't an overload just little things that made a difference. I am very happy with how my birthday turned out.

YAY!

Content

Is this what happiness is supposed to be like? I am content. I have amazing roommates, awesome friends, a wonderful family and a future that is finally starting to come to together.

Yesterday I registered for classes for next semester. That was quite the chore. I changed mt major! I am now officially a Deaf Studies major with an emphasis in Interpreting with a minor in Religious Studies. These may seem random to some, and even to me sometimes, but I have spent so much time thinking about this, and I feel like this is what I am supposed to be doing at this time. I may not have a social life next semester, but that seems to be the consensus among my friends as well. I am excited for my classes even though I have no idea what I'm getting myself into.

On the boys front, I am honestly happy. I have been hanging out with 2 guys a lot and they are both really awesome. I know for a fact that I have feelings for one of them, and I think that he might like me a little bit. My roommates are rooting for something to happen between us, and I surely wouldn't mind :). There is also another guy that I met at the beginning of the semester, but just started to get to know late last week. He is really great, and I can't believe that I am lucky enough to be able to spend time with him. Every time I go anywhere, my roommates ask which one I;m going to be with, and it changes day to day. In any case, I am not dating anyone currently and there is nothing wring with hanging out with multiple guys at similar times.

There are definitely good aspects to all of this. i no longer think that I am going to end up #foreveralone anymore. I mean, there are 2 guys that I think that I may have a chance with, something that I never would have thought 3 months ago. And it makes me happy because what I believe about being yourself is the only way to be happy.

In other news, I am going on a date on Friday! Its my birthday tomorrow and instead of having a "birthday party" I wanted to go on a big group date, to go ice skating, with my friends. I intended to ask this one guy, but he broke his toe on Saturday so he can't exactly go ice skating. So then I had to think of someone else, and both of the other guys that I considered asking are both working that night. So I asked my other friend - it wasn't instant and I had to check with my roommates and make sure that it was okay. In any case, I am going on a date - for my birthday - with the guy that pretty much every girl in my ward wants to go on a date with. And the great thing is that we are just friends and it will be oh so enjoyable :) you could say I'm excited.

This feeling is new to me, and I know that I've said it before, but I am very happy. Of course there are days that aren't as great as others, but I really don't have anything to really complain about. Things are going great and I am healthy. I'm looking forward happily to my 20th year of life! At this point, it is going to start out with a bang and that is all I've ever wanted.

Friend-zoned

I have been friend-zoned more times than I could tell you. A couple years ago, it hurt and I would have loved to be out of it. I think differently now about this touchy subject.

I have some roommates who have also been put into this situation as well, and they haven't been very happy about it. Not that it makes them any less great, or any less of a person. They just want to be in a relationship [who doesn't?] but it just isn't going the way that would be preferred. I also figured out that I also kinda sorta did this to someone as well, I don't feel bad about it, and I'm pretty sure that we have come to an understanding.

My thoughts are that just because you've been "put into" that zone doesn't mean that you can never get out of it with that person. Through personal experience I have learned that the best relationships don't come about by instant chemistry and a relationship right off the bat. They are built from trust, friendship and respect. All of which I value in ANY friendship.

This is the situation that I am in. I'm not saying that I want to be in a relationship with him, but I have met someone that I think I get along with really well and [I'm pretty sure at least] am starting to develop feelings for. I have to keep it hidden because we have talked about it and he is clearly interested in someone else, and I'm fine with that. Its still hard though, knowing that all the time you spend with someone - especially someone of the other gender - equates to them only seeing you as a good friend. And this is good, because everyone needs at least one good friend, and if something comes from it, even better - there is a foundation that is strong to be further built upon.

For these reasons, since I came down to school I have avoided saying that I 'like' people. Now the phrasing is more 'I'm interested in' or 'wanting to get to know better', simply because I think that I don't really know anyone well enough to 'like' them.

Sundays

For a long while now, years, I have had an interesting relationship with church. There was a time that I was about 15 when I absolutely disliked going to church. One day, a year or so later, I decided to listen. i really paid attention to what the speakers and teachers were saying. I started to read the Book of Mormon again. I had tried and failed many times. This time was different though. I actually did it. It took more than a year, but I did it and I was SO proud of myself. It took 3 years to actually finish it from cover to cover.

Since I consciously decided that I would try to be better, I have had times that I haven't really wanted to go to church, but I knew it was important so I did it. Some months are better than others, but I am okay with that. I am trying, and that is the only thing that I can be perfect at.

Today was dynamite. Church was so awesome, and it was a Sunday that I am so glad that I went to church. It made me so grateful for being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I relearned that no matter what other people say, I am a Daughter of God and I am important. I matter to him, and I will never be able to comprehend how much he loves and values me.

Sunday's are a type of harbor for me. They are the day when I don't have to worry about the not so great aspects of my life, I get to ficus on improving myself and pondering things that sometimes get pushed to the back burner during the week. Today I decided to watch quite a few Mormon Messages, and I have been uplifted. One that has been my favorite since it came out is called Our True Identity by Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf
Here it is:
Our True Identity .

It is a reminder that our Heavenly Father loves us, and that we are worth so much more than we can ever even know. And it may take a while for us to realize that, but when we do it changes us for the better. This is the one that I turn to when I am feeling down, and I need a reminder that I am a swan. I went through times that I wasn't sure who I was, but now I have started to figure it out.

This whole sharing my beliefs on social media is something that is new to me. I don't want to seem pushy or anything, but we have been informed that this is the most influential way to spread the gospel, so I'm giving it a valiant attempt. So here it is, by view of Sundays and what I was reminded it for myself today.

Belief

This last while has really tested what I believe. I have been going through some hard things that I haven't been very good at dealing with.

These past few days have made what I believe very solid. I have some awesome roommates, and I wholeheartedly believe that they have been made my roommates for a reason. They are so strong, even when they are weak. They told me to pray. So I started to pray again.

I prayed that I would be able to come to peace over my breakup, that I could finally be okay with it. I prayed that someone would come into my life to help the healing process. I prayed for the courage to talk to people that I don't know, to be more social. I prayed that I would be able to be myself without fearing what people would think of me. I prayed that I would be strong, that I wouldn't break into a million pieces. I prayed that I would be able to be better.

Many of these things happened.
~I did come to peace over my breakup. I was able to look at him and see him as friend, someone who I know and can be around.
~Some people have been sent into my life (well,one already was, I just hadn't realized it) and he got my mind off the hurt. Another came around and made me realize that I am not outside feeling positively.
~Since living in Provo, I have met so many people, I have gone outside of myself and made friends.
~I am myself. I know that I am a person, that I have worth and value, that I am important.
~I am not strong all the time, but I have people around me that will always be there for me when I need them. I learned that sometimes it is okay to not be okay.

I have learned through this that prayers aren't answered when we want them to be. They are answered when they need to be. Some of these things happened MONTHS after originally asking. But I just had to believe that I was being heard, that eventually I would get the answer that I need.

God sends people into our lives for a reason. Every person that I know, or that I gave me, us ub k=my life for a reason. And I am just now realizing some of them. I cannot express how grateful I am that these dear people have been placed in my life.

I am happy. I am a little confused about some things, but eventually it will figure itself out, I just need to trust that I will be led to do the correct thing.  That I will be able to become the person that I am meant to be, the person that my Heavenly Father knows me as. And hopefully I will be able to help others through my experiences.

Communication

Over the weekend I learned something very important. Communication is VITAL in any relationship  - no matter what type.

I wrote a post about Nakai a few days ago, and things have vastly changed since then. On Friday night he came over and hung out and it was fun. On Saturday it was a very busy day, and that evening was Stake Conference. Afterward, my roommate said that she was going to go get some caffeine. That was only part of the truth, sure, she did go get a Coke, but the real reason that she left was so that she could go hang out with Nakai. This pissed me off - not the fact that she was hanging out with him, but the fact that she lied to do it.

So I was SO freaking mad at her. When I went to bed, I expected to be woken up at some unholy hour of her coming back. Nope, didn't happen. I woke up at like 4:45 and looked over at her bed and she wasn't there. So I texted her, wondering where she was - out in the hallway. At 5 o'clock in the morning. I was absolutely furious.

So I pretended to be happy and all that but I have pretty perceptive roommates and they caught on. I vented and got some things figured out in myself. Later, there was a fireside and Alyssa came and I decided to ride with her. We talked a little about what had happened, and I was mad again because she said that she knew that it would make me mad and that she regretted lying. So a little later she gets a text from him and asked if she said something to me, and she responded with no, I'm just smart. And this is something that many people don't realize, I see alot and I am relatively good at deduction.

I also received a text from him and I told him not to text me. I had to explain why, which was very painful. I pretty much told him that I like him, and being friends with him isn't going to help that. He also told me straight out that he doesn't like me in a romantic way (which I am fine with, if he hadn't been so confusing about whether or not he liked me). So that got out of the way, and I think that maybe with time we may be friends again, but for now I am going to try and not be around him because my heart still hurts, and I really don't want to deal with that right now.

Now to the important part, which I learned from my roommates with this whole fiasco. I was planning on just not talking to her for a few days, hoping that it would solve itself. That is not the case. Bethany pointed out that doing that wouldn't do any good in the long run, just cause unhappiness. Once we were able to talk about it, and I was able to hear her side of what happened, and she was able to hear mine I realized that I wan't mad at Alyssa. I was mad at Nakai and she just got put in the middle of it (well, she kind of put herself there). So, yes, a very painful but important lesson in communication.

this new season of life

Hey ya'll! So, this last couple months, I have been through quite a bit. I moved, for one. I'm going to school again, with a pretty rigorous schedule to say the least. I have 5 roommates, and we are all vastly different.

They're nice girls, don't get me wrong, but I'm not so sure that I will be able to be kind all the time with them. They're very sharing and I'm not really like that all the time, I want to use my things and I don't want people to use them. But they all insist that sharing is just the best thing to do. They're all SUPER spiritual, and are constantly talking about the church. I love church, and the gospel, but I don't need to have every single conversation about some doctrine. They are all very opinionated and I son't agree with many of their opinions. They say that they aren't judgmental, but in reality they are, and it makes me feel like nothing practically all the time.

So, I don't mind doing dishes, but it seems like I'm the only one who does them. But I can't change anything about them and just have to suck it up and deal with people that I don't really like.

Alyssa on the other hand is great. I love being her roommate and I have no qualms about her.

So there's also this guy - he confuses me. I like him as a friend, and I'm still getting to know him so I don't know if I like him as any more than that. He's really entertaining, and being around him is just really enjoyable. Sometimes he kinda cats like he might like me, then another moment its back to nothing, confusing.

This post is really whiny, but I had to get it out. Sometimes you just have to burst. And this is a lot better than bawling for 2 hours about how frustrating things can be.

Time

Hey guys -

I'm not sure why I'm putting that, considering that I don't even know if people read this. In any case, I pretend like people do, but I'm kind of just kidding myself.

So I have been thinking quite a bit of how I spend my time. For a lot of the days, I am working. In some way or another. Whether it be charms or at the shack, I am just always having to worry about work. Then there is the time when I am sleeping - one of my favorites. Also, there is the time that I am with my friends. I love my friends dearly. they are the best thing ever, literally.

There's this thing about me that is weird. It seems like I am either being good with my time, or I am doing nothing. And that is perfectly okay with me. When I am with the guy that I like, it doesn't matter what we are doing. We can be playing Frisbee or talking or sitting on the couch looking at a TV and I will be happy that I am just spending time with him. I realized it today when all I wanted to do was sit on a couch with him, not doing anything. And that tends to be the place that I want to be when I'm tired, bored, sad, exhausted or just not wanting to be in my house. Which makes me think if it is the best way to spend my time.

Time is a strange thing. It is something that can pass slowly, or so quickly. And either way, there is no way to get it back. Once time has gone, its gone and there is nothing anyone can do about it. I know that I am not the best at using my time wisely and I am one who likes to sit and watch TV and movies, and sometimes that is okay. I really try to get the most done that I a can in a day - I am working on organizing my life so that I can make sure that I am doing all the important things and then doing them.

There are my thoughts. I think time is a wonderful thing, yet an enemy all the same. Life is passing, and i need to get my stuff together so that I  can get the most out of life that I possibly can because I don't know how much time I will have to do everything that I want to.

Choice - Part 1

Lately I have been faced with many choices. I have to choose who to keep in my life, I need to choose where I live, I need to choose my own happiness. I have been kind of weeding out the people in my life that aren't doing as much good as I would like in order to bring people into my life who will enrich it.

One of the choices that I made was to be over someone. It doesn't matter to me what choices they make, as long as it makes them happy that is all that matters. I am choosing to spend time with someone that I enjoy being with a lot - someone that I never thought I could like being around.

Today I went and saw The Fault in Our Stars and let me tell you I loved it. This idea came to me. In the movie, Hazel Grace chose to be happy. She made her choices and lived with them, no matter the outcome. This made me think of the choices that I am making now. Am I making the choices that I will look back upon and think 'I'm glad I did that'? That is my goal from now on. So if I want to do something a little out of my comfort zone, I am going to try it because I don't want to wish I had done things in this life.

I will be writing a part 2 when I learn more things about choices - as there will be decisions made in the next few weeks.

Change

Change is a part of life. It is the only thing that is guaranteed . . . change and taxes (I heard that that somewhere and it made me laugh).

Things are changing for me in my life. Things aren't the same as they were a year ago, or even a month ago. I am about to embark on an adventure that is moving off to college - again. The difference this time is that after this move, I may not ever move back into my parents house again. I am becoming an adult. I am 5 months away from being 20, not longer a girl in her teens, but a woman in her 20s. My family dynamic is changing, our little family business is growing (we have a lot if employees), my dad is looking for a new job - one that will give him a sense of accomplishment because he is tired of the same old. My brother is turning 21 this year and is getting plopped into the life of an adult, financial struggles and all. My sister is turning 16 and will start high school  - and dating. My little brother will be turning 12 in almost a year, it is all big things, no small things.

My life is changing. Something that I realized not long ago is that, even though I am afraid of getting hurt, I am not outside of feeling. A few days ago I realized that I started to like this guy. And he's really great. I also realized that I was OVER my ex. Like really, it was the most amazing feeling in the world, realizing that it doesn't matter what he does, I can be happy. So I started to like this other guy. And it was almost a sinking feeling. You see, he's claimed by one of my good friends. Well, they were together off-and-on and they're off right now, but she is pretty sure that he still has feelings for her and they'll get together. So I told her that I like him, but I promised not to do anything about my feelings - which I am upholding. I am not making it known that I like him, and I treat him just like I did before I started to like him, so basically just like I would treat any other guy friend. So I've been texting him and a couple days ago he said that he doesn't mind when I text him . . . :D eeep! So today at work he came to see me! And he said that he's gonna come say hi tomorrow too!! And he invited me over to his house - so I wasn't about to pass that up, I like him for Pete's sake. And I think he might like me a little bit. Which is tearing me apart because I can't hurt my friend like that, but I really like him. So I'm a little torn over what to do.

In any case - changes are happening and I am quite happy with them right now. Nighty Night :)

Hurt

I have learned something very important this last month.

My problem is that I love someone who used to love me but no longer does. And it hurts. I love him so much more that I thought I did, even now that he has changed dramatically and is essentially a whole new person. In any case, we have the same friend group and are around each other a couple times a week.

Today I watched a video with him in it. I didn't expect to start crying, but I did. I learned through this that I am only hurting myself by loving him. He doesn't care one bit about me - actually sometimes I think he might care, but then it goes away as quickly as it came.

The fact of the matter is that I love him more than I did before... and I am hurting every single day that I am around him. Even thinking about him causes my chest to physically hurt. But I can't seem to pull myself away or forget no matter how much I try to convince myself that I will be better off without him.

Pain isn't always brought about my someone else, often it is brought upon ourselves. In this instance, it is better for me to hurt than to not feel at all. I'm afraid of someone else breaking my heart as much as he did and it causes me pain every single day.

Perspective

So the last while I have really had a few learning experiences with perspective. Everyone has one, and it will most likely be different than those around you. Shocking, right?! Not really.

One thing that came up was different perspectives on discipline. Random, I know, but it made an impact on me. So when I was growing up, I don't really remember being disciplined much. Like, my parents never grounded us and they hardly ever took things away. I remember being told to go to my room if I was being a brat, but it was never considered a 'time out'. So there ya go, I don't really know how I learned to behave well, but I guess it worked somehow.
In any case, I was watching a YouTube vlog and it was about how a certain family disciplines their child. She referred to a few scriptures (5 to be exact) about discipline that they had chosen to make their choices with. A few of them talked about how children must be disciplined by 'the rod [of Christ]' they took this almost literally. She talked about how when their child misbehaves (she is 3 by the way) that she goes to time out and then gets a spanking - with a wooden paddle. This absolutely BAFFLED me. They also mentioned that they use a paddle instead of their hand because the bible said 'rod'. It also surprised me that they said it was every time she got in trouble. When I was younger I was only spanked a few times and it was always because I had done something that deserved a spanking, so it was serious, not just every time that I misbehave.
Fortunately for me, I was in an institute class the week previous and we were talking about the Rod of Iron and how it is a symbol for Christ's teachings. So in the scriptures it is most likely (well, in my perspective) talking about teaching your children with the teachings of Christ, not literally disciplining them with a rod. I really try to study the symbols in the scriptures so that when things like this come up, I am able to make a conclusion for myself.
I know that saying that sounds arrogant and I'm trying not to be judgmental. I am just addressing how I feel about this and, yeah. There's my disclaimer.

So yeah. There is my lesson in perspective for the day.