Well you remember when I posted a little bit ago about a guy that I thought was so amazing. Well after our 3rd date he completely dropped me. And then a week later he took me off of Facebook. Now, I don't judge my relationships off of whether i am friends with someone on Facebook, but when someone who doesn't really use their Facebook in the first place takes you off of theirs, you know they want to avoid you at all costs. So I broke for a couple of hours, but then I was okay.
Today I was thinking about the last month and I realized that there are other things in my life other than a guy. And from the start, there were a few things that kind of made me a little uncomfortable but I just brushed them off to the side and didn't worry about them, but now I see that they do matter. One of the things is that he would tell me things that weren't necessarily a lie, but he was definitely avoiding the truth. And there were some questions that he wouldn't answer, things that I found important to talk about.
So yeah. I am perfectly fine without him, and since then I have since found that God was preparing me because I didn't really have feelings for him, I was jut happy to have a guy who paid some attention to me. But I am worth more than that, I am not going to put my time and energy into someone who doesn't even want me around. I respect myself more than that.
Thursday, January 14, 2016
Saturday, January 2, 2016
Dear DG:
Dear Daynon:
Right now you are going through a tough time in your life. Your past is getting in the way of your future, and it is stressing you out. We were supposed to spend some time together today, but with all the stress you called it off. At first I was upset (I was really looking forward to spending the day with you, I have been excited about it since it first came up weeks ago), and then I was worried that I had done something to upset you. And here's the thing, when people are mad at me the NEVER tell me why. They just decide it would be better if they just ignore me - P.S. this just stresses me out and I don't get closure, nor can I apologize.
A little bit ago we were sitting on the couch talking. You said that I should plan on being around a while and I told you that as long as you want me around, I would stick around. I meant it. I want you to let me in on what is going on in your head. I want you to be able to trust me and let me help in any way that I can. Relationships are hard, especially at the beginning (or figuring out if you want to be in a relationship - like the stage we're in). The stakes aren't exactly in our favor either, with you living so far away and having a full time job and a part time job. But I am willing to try and make it work. Daynon, I think that you are amazing. The way you talk about your daughter and your hopes for the future astound me. The man that you are, and the things that you have gone through are evident in the way that you treat those around you.
So here it is, I care for you - a lot more than I expected to. I care about your well being, and the excitement that I feel when I get to spend time with you is like nothing I've experienced. I am genuinely excited to see you and get to know you better.
So far as I'm concerned, I want to keep trying to spend more time with you. I wish I could tell you all of this, but you won't hear about this, at least not now.
I hope this can become a thing.
Jasmine.
Right now you are going through a tough time in your life. Your past is getting in the way of your future, and it is stressing you out. We were supposed to spend some time together today, but with all the stress you called it off. At first I was upset (I was really looking forward to spending the day with you, I have been excited about it since it first came up weeks ago), and then I was worried that I had done something to upset you. And here's the thing, when people are mad at me the NEVER tell me why. They just decide it would be better if they just ignore me - P.S. this just stresses me out and I don't get closure, nor can I apologize.
A little bit ago we were sitting on the couch talking. You said that I should plan on being around a while and I told you that as long as you want me around, I would stick around. I meant it. I want you to let me in on what is going on in your head. I want you to be able to trust me and let me help in any way that I can. Relationships are hard, especially at the beginning (or figuring out if you want to be in a relationship - like the stage we're in). The stakes aren't exactly in our favor either, with you living so far away and having a full time job and a part time job. But I am willing to try and make it work. Daynon, I think that you are amazing. The way you talk about your daughter and your hopes for the future astound me. The man that you are, and the things that you have gone through are evident in the way that you treat those around you.
So here it is, I care for you - a lot more than I expected to. I care about your well being, and the excitement that I feel when I get to spend time with you is like nothing I've experienced. I am genuinely excited to see you and get to know you better.
So far as I'm concerned, I want to keep trying to spend more time with you. I wish I could tell you all of this, but you won't hear about this, at least not now.
I hope this can become a thing.
Jasmine.
Monday, December 28, 2015
Meet Daynon G
God has a plan for all of us. Whether we see it or not, there is someone who is there and knows what we need. And that person is our Heavenly Father who loves us so much more than we can ever imagine.
These last couple of weeks have been very interesting. I was perusing Tinder (a dating app that I use on occasion) and came across someone who's profile intrigued me. In the profile it said that he was recently divorced and that he had a daughter. So, me being me, tried not to judge him based on that. So I said yes, and lo and behold, he had liked me as well. And that's when things changed. We started talking immediately and I felt quite a connection really fast. We chatted on there for a few days and upgraded to texting. Wednesday December 16, 2015 was the day that we decided that messaging is dumb and texting will be easier. So then it began haha. We texted for most of the day unless I was at work, but even then it was so slow that I texted anyway. In any case, after a bit of talking, we decided that we wanted to go on a date. And this made me very excited, because out of the quite a few people I've talked to, he is the only one that I've really wanted to meet. So we planned for the Wednesday after Christmas because I was scheduled at Bath and Body Works the Wednesday before. I sent our a message to see if anyone would take my Wednesday shift, but also my Saturday night shift. No one did, until Tuesday morning. I was so excited.
So we went on a date. He picked me up at my house, and he looked a little different than I had imagined and had seen from his Facebook. He met my parents and opened my door for me and everything. Well, if that wasn't enough, he was a perfect gentleman. We decided that we would go to Texas Roadhouse for dinner and then we would go to Provo Beach Resort. So we went to dinner and I learned quite a bit about his family, and learned that it is a little dysfunctional and some of his siblings are trouble children. He is adopted, and he has a sister younger than him. He doesn't know his birth parents and he doesn't care to. But hes got these adorable puppy dog brown eyes that melt me.... I learned that he likes his steak well done, he likes mac and cheese (and is a bit of a mac and cheese snob) and he loves Mtn. Dew, but he also likes Pepsi and Dr. Pepper. We had a nice conversation, and got along decent I thought. So we headed to Provo Beach Resort and ended up getting the Day pass that was $20 for almost unlimited everything,
We did bowling first, and he won by a lot. He's much better than I am, and it definitely didn't help that I was beyond nervous to be on a date. But it was fun in any case. Next we decided to do mini croquet. It was weird and we ended up just hitting the balls through the hoops without rhyme or reason really. But we got to talk, and that is the point. The ropes course was lovely. I learned I'm a little bit of a wimp, but he put up with me and we were on there for a good half hour at least. He'e really cute. Ice cream was next and we went to the mall and got Cold Stone. He is chocolate fan, and got chocolate ice cream with chocolate chips. He didn't even eat it all. But we walked around for a little bit and I REALLY wanted to hold his hand, or have him put his arm around me or something. Because of all the talking we had done beforehand made it felt like I had known him for a lot longer than 10 days. But alas, he didn't really. I mean, he told me I was beautiful and put his arm around me for a few seconds, but it wasn't as much as I wished.
When we got back into the car, it was about 10pm and Daynon said that he needed to get home because he had work in the morning. So we went back to my house and I told him to park in front of my grandma's house so that no one could look out the window and see us in the car - not that we were doing anything wrong, but still. So we talked, and talked, and talked. He told me about his ex wife and what had happened between them (when she left) and I was there to be a listening ear. So, if I like someone, I tend to do this thing where when we're sitting in a car and I put my knee on the console and leave it up to them. He took it! For most of the time we were talking, he had his hand on my knee. I wasn't uncomfortable at all, and I really liked it. So we talked, and watched some videos on YouTube. So we ended up getting closer, and out of pretty much nowhere he KISSED me. It was ... amazing. Now I'm not someone who kisses anyone on a first date, and people don't necessarily want to kiss me - especially on a first date. So the fact that he just gosh darn leaned over and kissed me swept me off my feet (but not literally).
But a slight flashback, we started talking because he challenged me to come up with some words that I would use to describe him after only one date. I chose patient, sweet and cute. Because that's how I saw him. He is so sweet, and when he talks about his daughter Jaylee, I'm a puddle on the floor. And he is a gentleman, and he knows how to treat a girl with respect. And shoot me now, but I am attracted to so much more than his looks, although they are pretty darn good. Like, really, he's no model, but my type of attractive. His brown hair and brown eyes just kill me. Yeah, so no regrets about the date. I had hyped it up so much that I was sure that it was not going to live up to my dreamt up expectations that I had imagined. But it was so much better. I can't even describe how right it felt that I was on a date with him. So there was my night. And he makes me really happy.
A couple days later, mom let me know that dad was planning on making pizza on Sunday night. She said that I should invite Daynon, so I did. He let me know that he was scheduled for a shift that night from 7-11pm at the hospital. He also had Jaylee until 6, and so I had resorted to myself that I wouldn't see him until Wednesday. We were chatting and he let me know that his supervisor had called him to let him know that he didn't need to go into his shift. I literally jumped and squealed I was so excited. I talked to Hannah that day too, and I went up to her mom's house to go and say hi. It made me so happy. So Daynon showed up, and it was perfect. He got along with everyone, and he was talking to everyone like he's been around forever. He even talked to Erick and Kathi and Grandma Carolyn. And on occasion he would rub my back or out his arm around my shoulder like it was nothing. And it all felt right. We went to Sister Green's house to see her Snow Village that her husband has and has had for years. It was so cool. And I felt like a kid again, except this time I had someone with me that I want to share a lot of time with.
When we got back, we opted to watch a movie instead of playing a game with people. Let's be honest, I wanted to test out the cuddling situation. And it was quite fitting. We went together like 2 puzzle pieces. He is just the right complement to me, at least I felt so. And I was perfectly at ease with myself and being with him. We were watching The Italian Job. I know that movie quite well, so I didn't necessarily need to watch it all, and I wasn't paying any attention to the movie... At one point I was looking at his face, and he asked if I was paying attention, and of course I faked that I was haha. And he kissed me, and once again, it was lovely. It just feels right. And I don't know what he feels, but I am totally falling. Falling hard, and it's not just the physical stuff. I learn more about him everyday, and while there is so much more to learn about him, the things I know make sense to me, and he has the qualities in the person that I give my heart to for the long run. So as we were sitting there, just being near each other, he told me to get used to it, because he's going to be around for a while. And that is perfect for me. For myself, I couldn't be happier than I am right now. He brings me so much happiness, and I am perfectly content to have him around and I am totally getting feelings fro him that don't even make sense.
The way he makes me feel is like nothing I've ever felt. I feel valued, and I feel beautiful. I feel like he wants me around, and that he means it. And he is sweet. At this moment, I don't want to get over him. But I can't tell him how I feel because its WAY too soon for this. It is way too soon for me to feel this, because I barely know him and his divorce hasn't been final for very long and he needs time to get used to being with someone else. So I get to see him on Wednesday and I am excited to spend time with him. So I'm going to keep my real feelings for him to myself.
Oh love, why do you do this to me, again? I just got over my last heartbreak, i don't think my heart could take it again.
These last couple of weeks have been very interesting. I was perusing Tinder (a dating app that I use on occasion) and came across someone who's profile intrigued me. In the profile it said that he was recently divorced and that he had a daughter. So, me being me, tried not to judge him based on that. So I said yes, and lo and behold, he had liked me as well. And that's when things changed. We started talking immediately and I felt quite a connection really fast. We chatted on there for a few days and upgraded to texting. Wednesday December 16, 2015 was the day that we decided that messaging is dumb and texting will be easier. So then it began haha. We texted for most of the day unless I was at work, but even then it was so slow that I texted anyway. In any case, after a bit of talking, we decided that we wanted to go on a date. And this made me very excited, because out of the quite a few people I've talked to, he is the only one that I've really wanted to meet. So we planned for the Wednesday after Christmas because I was scheduled at Bath and Body Works the Wednesday before. I sent our a message to see if anyone would take my Wednesday shift, but also my Saturday night shift. No one did, until Tuesday morning. I was so excited.
So we went on a date. He picked me up at my house, and he looked a little different than I had imagined and had seen from his Facebook. He met my parents and opened my door for me and everything. Well, if that wasn't enough, he was a perfect gentleman. We decided that we would go to Texas Roadhouse for dinner and then we would go to Provo Beach Resort. So we went to dinner and I learned quite a bit about his family, and learned that it is a little dysfunctional and some of his siblings are trouble children. He is adopted, and he has a sister younger than him. He doesn't know his birth parents and he doesn't care to. But hes got these adorable puppy dog brown eyes that melt me.... I learned that he likes his steak well done, he likes mac and cheese (and is a bit of a mac and cheese snob) and he loves Mtn. Dew, but he also likes Pepsi and Dr. Pepper. We had a nice conversation, and got along decent I thought. So we headed to Provo Beach Resort and ended up getting the Day pass that was $20 for almost unlimited everything,
We did bowling first, and he won by a lot. He's much better than I am, and it definitely didn't help that I was beyond nervous to be on a date. But it was fun in any case. Next we decided to do mini croquet. It was weird and we ended up just hitting the balls through the hoops without rhyme or reason really. But we got to talk, and that is the point. The ropes course was lovely. I learned I'm a little bit of a wimp, but he put up with me and we were on there for a good half hour at least. He'e really cute. Ice cream was next and we went to the mall and got Cold Stone. He is chocolate fan, and got chocolate ice cream with chocolate chips. He didn't even eat it all. But we walked around for a little bit and I REALLY wanted to hold his hand, or have him put his arm around me or something. Because of all the talking we had done beforehand made it felt like I had known him for a lot longer than 10 days. But alas, he didn't really. I mean, he told me I was beautiful and put his arm around me for a few seconds, but it wasn't as much as I wished.
When we got back into the car, it was about 10pm and Daynon said that he needed to get home because he had work in the morning. So we went back to my house and I told him to park in front of my grandma's house so that no one could look out the window and see us in the car - not that we were doing anything wrong, but still. So we talked, and talked, and talked. He told me about his ex wife and what had happened between them (when she left) and I was there to be a listening ear. So, if I like someone, I tend to do this thing where when we're sitting in a car and I put my knee on the console and leave it up to them. He took it! For most of the time we were talking, he had his hand on my knee. I wasn't uncomfortable at all, and I really liked it. So we talked, and watched some videos on YouTube. So we ended up getting closer, and out of pretty much nowhere he KISSED me. It was ... amazing. Now I'm not someone who kisses anyone on a first date, and people don't necessarily want to kiss me - especially on a first date. So the fact that he just gosh darn leaned over and kissed me swept me off my feet (but not literally).
But a slight flashback, we started talking because he challenged me to come up with some words that I would use to describe him after only one date. I chose patient, sweet and cute. Because that's how I saw him. He is so sweet, and when he talks about his daughter Jaylee, I'm a puddle on the floor. And he is a gentleman, and he knows how to treat a girl with respect. And shoot me now, but I am attracted to so much more than his looks, although they are pretty darn good. Like, really, he's no model, but my type of attractive. His brown hair and brown eyes just kill me. Yeah, so no regrets about the date. I had hyped it up so much that I was sure that it was not going to live up to my dreamt up expectations that I had imagined. But it was so much better. I can't even describe how right it felt that I was on a date with him. So there was my night. And he makes me really happy.
A couple days later, mom let me know that dad was planning on making pizza on Sunday night. She said that I should invite Daynon, so I did. He let me know that he was scheduled for a shift that night from 7-11pm at the hospital. He also had Jaylee until 6, and so I had resorted to myself that I wouldn't see him until Wednesday. We were chatting and he let me know that his supervisor had called him to let him know that he didn't need to go into his shift. I literally jumped and squealed I was so excited. I talked to Hannah that day too, and I went up to her mom's house to go and say hi. It made me so happy. So Daynon showed up, and it was perfect. He got along with everyone, and he was talking to everyone like he's been around forever. He even talked to Erick and Kathi and Grandma Carolyn. And on occasion he would rub my back or out his arm around my shoulder like it was nothing. And it all felt right. We went to Sister Green's house to see her Snow Village that her husband has and has had for years. It was so cool. And I felt like a kid again, except this time I had someone with me that I want to share a lot of time with.
When we got back, we opted to watch a movie instead of playing a game with people. Let's be honest, I wanted to test out the cuddling situation. And it was quite fitting. We went together like 2 puzzle pieces. He is just the right complement to me, at least I felt so. And I was perfectly at ease with myself and being with him. We were watching The Italian Job. I know that movie quite well, so I didn't necessarily need to watch it all, and I wasn't paying any attention to the movie... At one point I was looking at his face, and he asked if I was paying attention, and of course I faked that I was haha. And he kissed me, and once again, it was lovely. It just feels right. And I don't know what he feels, but I am totally falling. Falling hard, and it's not just the physical stuff. I learn more about him everyday, and while there is so much more to learn about him, the things I know make sense to me, and he has the qualities in the person that I give my heart to for the long run. So as we were sitting there, just being near each other, he told me to get used to it, because he's going to be around for a while. And that is perfect for me. For myself, I couldn't be happier than I am right now. He brings me so much happiness, and I am perfectly content to have him around and I am totally getting feelings fro him that don't even make sense.
The way he makes me feel is like nothing I've ever felt. I feel valued, and I feel beautiful. I feel like he wants me around, and that he means it. And he is sweet. At this moment, I don't want to get over him. But I can't tell him how I feel because its WAY too soon for this. It is way too soon for me to feel this, because I barely know him and his divorce hasn't been final for very long and he needs time to get used to being with someone else. So I get to see him on Wednesday and I am excited to spend time with him. So I'm going to keep my real feelings for him to myself.
Oh love, why do you do this to me, again? I just got over my last heartbreak, i don't think my heart could take it again.
Sunday, September 20, 2015
Falling
Life is full of ups and downs. Just a few months ago I was starting to fall for someone, that's over now, and now I'm falling for someone else. . . I think.
My last post was about him, but Brendan is making an appearance again. It's so weird how this guy who broke my heart is putting it back together. And I'm bracing myself for it to be broken again. I've realized that I am completely myself when I am around him. I can laugh without thinking about it, I can mess around and be sarcastic.
I am falling in love with the person that he is, not the 16 year old boy that I fell in love with in high school. For a long time I imagined him as the same person that he was when I left for school. But he has been through a lot and has changed SO much that it even surprises me sometimes. His hair is longer than mine is, and he has stopped going to church completely. But for some reason, that isn't enough for me to not like him. When his hair is pulled back into a bun (I wish it would stay like that) I can almost see him as he is, and a lot of the time I think that his hair is a way to kind of hide something. I know that when I am feeling really insecure, I tend to grow out my hair so that I have something to hide behind if need be. But I really do think that it doesn't really suit him, but if he likes it, then I can't do anything about it.
Unfortunately, his parent's aren't stalwart examples of religious people. I'm not even sure if they go to church, so I can kind of see why he never really gained a testimony about the church. The thing that brings me sadness is that I don't know what I could possibly do to help him give the church a chance. I wish that he could have the happiness that I do as I have come to develop my own testimony of the church.
One of the main things that worries me is that he doesn't really have a purpose in his life. He does things because they're convenient, or easy. As soon as things get difficult, he pretty much abandons them. As of now, he plans to go to school - which, for the record I called bullcrap on, and I was in the room with him when he told me - so I guess that's good, he has something to look forward to in the future.
I have so many questions for him that I can't even keep them straight. I missed out on so much of his life, and some of his choices I am very curious about. So I think that I am going to record them here so I'll have somewhere to look when I am serious about finding some answers.
-Why did you stop going to church? What about the gospel don't you like?
-Have you ever really given church a chance? Did you ever try to have a positive attitude toward it?
-Relationships. How far did you go?
-Why did you decide to text me after 2 months of blatantly ignoring me?
-Why in heavens name do you put up with me? You never ask me to hang out, it's always me. If you aren't interested then just say so so I can stop pining after someone who is never going to have any feelings for me. Please, my heart can't take being broken by you again. [I asked him on September 20, 2015]
Love is tough. And it's going to take some tough love to get it into him that he is so much more than he thinks he is, that he has so much potential if only he would give it a chance instead of pushing it, and those who love him, out of his life.
My last post was about him, but Brendan is making an appearance again. It's so weird how this guy who broke my heart is putting it back together. And I'm bracing myself for it to be broken again. I've realized that I am completely myself when I am around him. I can laugh without thinking about it, I can mess around and be sarcastic.
I am falling in love with the person that he is, not the 16 year old boy that I fell in love with in high school. For a long time I imagined him as the same person that he was when I left for school. But he has been through a lot and has changed SO much that it even surprises me sometimes. His hair is longer than mine is, and he has stopped going to church completely. But for some reason, that isn't enough for me to not like him. When his hair is pulled back into a bun (I wish it would stay like that) I can almost see him as he is, and a lot of the time I think that his hair is a way to kind of hide something. I know that when I am feeling really insecure, I tend to grow out my hair so that I have something to hide behind if need be. But I really do think that it doesn't really suit him, but if he likes it, then I can't do anything about it.
Unfortunately, his parent's aren't stalwart examples of religious people. I'm not even sure if they go to church, so I can kind of see why he never really gained a testimony about the church. The thing that brings me sadness is that I don't know what I could possibly do to help him give the church a chance. I wish that he could have the happiness that I do as I have come to develop my own testimony of the church.
One of the main things that worries me is that he doesn't really have a purpose in his life. He does things because they're convenient, or easy. As soon as things get difficult, he pretty much abandons them. As of now, he plans to go to school - which, for the record I called bullcrap on, and I was in the room with him when he told me - so I guess that's good, he has something to look forward to in the future.
I have so many questions for him that I can't even keep them straight. I missed out on so much of his life, and some of his choices I am very curious about. So I think that I am going to record them here so I'll have somewhere to look when I am serious about finding some answers.
-Why did you stop going to church? What about the gospel don't you like?
-Have you ever really given church a chance? Did you ever try to have a positive attitude toward it?
-Relationships. How far did you go?
-Why did you decide to text me after 2 months of blatantly ignoring me?
-Why in heavens name do you put up with me? You never ask me to hang out, it's always me. If you aren't interested then just say so so I can stop pining after someone who is never going to have any feelings for me. Please, my heart can't take being broken by you again. [I asked him on September 20, 2015]
Love is tough. And it's going to take some tough love to get it into him that he is so much more than he thinks he is, that he has so much potential if only he would give it a chance instead of pushing it, and those who love him, out of his life.
Monday, August 24, 2015
This Guy
I'm starting to have feelings for Brendan again. Oh gosh.
I know that I set myself up for this, but I'm not that worried. A couple days ago, Hailey and I were talking and she was all "you're going to marry him or something" and I brushed it off, but there has to be a reason that I can't just get over him. I was thinking about things yesterday and it made sense that I can't just let him go.
And since I'm definitely starting to have feelings for him, I realized that it never went away. He was always there in the back of my mind, and of course, I wish that he would cut his hair and go back to church, but I have to be patient. I think that through my ... encouraging ... I could start to get some sense put back into him. Another aspect of all of this that made much sense to me is that he hasn't ever made a real effort to believe the gospel is true. He had a jilted idea about church from a young age and never really liked it. So as soon as he could get away with it, he stopped going to church. And it is painful that something that I value so much hasn't even been given a chance by someone that I have feelings for. And I know that if he could just see it, it would make him happier.
So here we are, but we did make progress.
I know that I set myself up for this, but I'm not that worried. A couple days ago, Hailey and I were talking and she was all "you're going to marry him or something" and I brushed it off, but there has to be a reason that I can't just get over him. I was thinking about things yesterday and it made sense that I can't just let him go.
And since I'm definitely starting to have feelings for him, I realized that it never went away. He was always there in the back of my mind, and of course, I wish that he would cut his hair and go back to church, but I have to be patient. I think that through my ... encouraging ... I could start to get some sense put back into him. Another aspect of all of this that made much sense to me is that he hasn't ever made a real effort to believe the gospel is true. He had a jilted idea about church from a young age and never really liked it. So as soon as he could get away with it, he stopped going to church. And it is painful that something that I value so much hasn't even been given a chance by someone that I have feelings for. And I know that if he could just see it, it would make him happier.
So here we are, but we did make progress.
Sunday, August 16, 2015
Old Things Happen Again
As I am starting this post, I don't have an adequate title. Because this post is probably just going to be random thoughts that have been going through my mind lately that I want to be able to look back on.
These last couple of weeks have been interesting. A little while back, Brendan texted me, and he apologized for ignoring me for 2 months. I hadn't really thought a whole lot about it, and I didn't have any negative feelings for him at all. I was happy that he had texted me, that's for sure. So a little while went by and we half attempted to hang out, but it never really happened because I didn't have a way to get to his apartment and my apartment isn't really a place to hang out with people alone. So after I bought a car, I had a way to get there. So we planned to hang out, and we did. And it was like old times. I mean, his hair is still too long, and he still doesn't go to church. But he is making steps to making his life better for himself.
I am still worried about him though, and even though I am trying not to be pushy, I wish I could just see him being truly happy. And in my experience the gospel is what makes me happy, and I wish that I could put that into him. Although I can't force anything upon him, I am still willing to be there for him because everyone deserves to have people around them who care about them in them most genuine way.
So we've only hung out a couple of times, but we do text a lot. And when were together, I enjoy just being around him. He does kiss me, and I don't mind it, but really doesn't mean anything to me. I feel kind of bad just leading him on a bit, but I know that he isn't looking for anything from it. And neither am I, I'm just bored and wish that I could feel like someone likes having me around because I feel like no one likes me and I am just a person in these people's lives that they wish would go away. And being around him makes me forget that, at least for a couple of hours. So I'll keep doing it, and I'm not doing anything wrong. My only thing now is that I don't want things to even get close to going too far, so I'm trying to set ground rules for myself.
We'll see where this goes haha.
These last couple of weeks have been interesting. A little while back, Brendan texted me, and he apologized for ignoring me for 2 months. I hadn't really thought a whole lot about it, and I didn't have any negative feelings for him at all. I was happy that he had texted me, that's for sure. So a little while went by and we half attempted to hang out, but it never really happened because I didn't have a way to get to his apartment and my apartment isn't really a place to hang out with people alone. So after I bought a car, I had a way to get there. So we planned to hang out, and we did. And it was like old times. I mean, his hair is still too long, and he still doesn't go to church. But he is making steps to making his life better for himself.
I am still worried about him though, and even though I am trying not to be pushy, I wish I could just see him being truly happy. And in my experience the gospel is what makes me happy, and I wish that I could put that into him. Although I can't force anything upon him, I am still willing to be there for him because everyone deserves to have people around them who care about them in them most genuine way.
So we've only hung out a couple of times, but we do text a lot. And when were together, I enjoy just being around him. He does kiss me, and I don't mind it, but really doesn't mean anything to me. I feel kind of bad just leading him on a bit, but I know that he isn't looking for anything from it. And neither am I, I'm just bored and wish that I could feel like someone likes having me around because I feel like no one likes me and I am just a person in these people's lives that they wish would go away. And being around him makes me forget that, at least for a couple of hours. So I'll keep doing it, and I'm not doing anything wrong. My only thing now is that I don't want things to even get close to going too far, so I'm trying to set ground rules for myself.
We'll see where this goes haha.
Sunday, August 9, 2015
Mission Decisions
Today is August 9, 2015.
In one month, on September 9, 2015, I am supposed to report to the Provo Missionary Training center to serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in the Tennessee Knoxville mission.
Due to a myriad of reasons, this will not be happening at this time. I have made the decision not to go on my mission on September 9, 2015. This has not been an easy decision to make, and I have the same amount of support from those around me about my decision now as I did when I decided to submit my papers.
Thanks for all the support I received over the last 3 months. This is a new chapter of my life, and I am excited to face it with faith. If you have any questions, just let me know.
In one month, on September 9, 2015, I am supposed to report to the Provo Missionary Training center to serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in the Tennessee Knoxville mission.
Due to a myriad of reasons, this will not be happening at this time. I have made the decision not to go on my mission on September 9, 2015. This has not been an easy decision to make, and I have the same amount of support from those around me about my decision now as I did when I decided to submit my papers.
Thanks for all the support I received over the last 3 months. This is a new chapter of my life, and I am excited to face it with faith. If you have any questions, just let me know.
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