Hurt

I have learned something very important this last month.

My problem is that I love someone who used to love me but no longer does. And it hurts. I love him so much more that I thought I did, even now that he has changed dramatically and is essentially a whole new person. In any case, we have the same friend group and are around each other a couple times a week.

Today I watched a video with him in it. I didn't expect to start crying, but I did. I learned through this that I am only hurting myself by loving him. He doesn't care one bit about me - actually sometimes I think he might care, but then it goes away as quickly as it came.

The fact of the matter is that I love him more than I did before... and I am hurting every single day that I am around him. Even thinking about him causes my chest to physically hurt. But I can't seem to pull myself away or forget no matter how much I try to convince myself that I will be better off without him.

Pain isn't always brought about my someone else, often it is brought upon ourselves. In this instance, it is better for me to hurt than to not feel at all. I'm afraid of someone else breaking my heart as much as he did and it causes me pain every single day.