Hey guys -
I'm not sure why I'm putting that, considering that I don't even know if people read this. In any case, I pretend like people do, but I'm kind of just kidding myself.
So I have been thinking quite a bit of how I spend my time. For a lot of the days, I am working. In some way or another. Whether it be charms or at the shack, I am just always having to worry about work. Then there is the time when I am sleeping - one of my favorites. Also, there is the time that I am with my friends. I love my friends dearly. they are the best thing ever, literally.
There's this thing about me that is weird. It seems like I am either being good with my time, or I am doing nothing. And that is perfectly okay with me. When I am with the guy that I like, it doesn't matter what we are doing. We can be playing Frisbee or talking or sitting on the couch looking at a TV and I will be happy that I am just spending time with him. I realized it today when all I wanted to do was sit on a couch with him, not doing anything. And that tends to be the place that I want to be when I'm tired, bored, sad, exhausted or just not wanting to be in my house. Which makes me think if it is the best way to spend my time.
Time is a strange thing. It is something that can pass slowly, or so quickly. And either way, there is no way to get it back. Once time has gone, its gone and there is nothing anyone can do about it. I know that I am not the best at using my time wisely and I am one who likes to sit and watch TV and movies, and sometimes that is okay. I really try to get the most done that I a can in a day - I am working on organizing my life so that I can make sure that I am doing all the important things and then doing them.
There are my thoughts. I think time is a wonderful thing, yet an enemy all the same. Life is passing, and i need to get my stuff together so that I can get the most out of life that I possibly can because I don't know how much time I will have to do everything that I want to.
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Choice - Part 1
Lately I have been faced with many choices. I have to choose who to keep in my life, I need to choose where I live, I need to choose my own happiness. I have been kind of weeding out the people in my life that aren't doing as much good as I would like in order to bring people into my life who will enrich it.
One of the choices that I made was to be over someone. It doesn't matter to me what choices they make, as long as it makes them happy that is all that matters. I am choosing to spend time with someone that I enjoy being with a lot - someone that I never thought I could like being around.
Today I went and saw The Fault in Our Stars and let me tell you I loved it. This idea came to me. In the movie, Hazel Grace chose to be happy. She made her choices and lived with them, no matter the outcome. This made me think of the choices that I am making now. Am I making the choices that I will look back upon and think 'I'm glad I did that'? That is my goal from now on. So if I want to do something a little out of my comfort zone, I am going to try it because I don't want to wish I had done things in this life.
I will be writing a part 2 when I learn more things about choices - as there will be decisions made in the next few weeks.
One of the choices that I made was to be over someone. It doesn't matter to me what choices they make, as long as it makes them happy that is all that matters. I am choosing to spend time with someone that I enjoy being with a lot - someone that I never thought I could like being around.
Today I went and saw The Fault in Our Stars and let me tell you I loved it. This idea came to me. In the movie, Hazel Grace chose to be happy. She made her choices and lived with them, no matter the outcome. This made me think of the choices that I am making now. Am I making the choices that I will look back upon and think 'I'm glad I did that'? That is my goal from now on. So if I want to do something a little out of my comfort zone, I am going to try it because I don't want to wish I had done things in this life.
I will be writing a part 2 when I learn more things about choices - as there will be decisions made in the next few weeks.
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Change
Change is a part of life. It is the only thing that is guaranteed . . . change and taxes (I heard that that somewhere and it made me laugh).
Things are changing for me in my life. Things aren't the same as they were a year ago, or even a month ago. I am about to embark on an adventure that is moving off to college - again. The difference this time is that after this move, I may not ever move back into my parents house again. I am becoming an adult. I am 5 months away from being 20, not longer a girl in her teens, but a woman in her 20s. My family dynamic is changing, our little family business is growing (we have a lot if employees), my dad is looking for a new job - one that will give him a sense of accomplishment because he is tired of the same old. My brother is turning 21 this year and is getting plopped into the life of an adult, financial struggles and all. My sister is turning 16 and will start high school - and dating. My little brother will be turning 12 in almost a year, it is all big things, no small things.
My life is changing. Something that I realized not long ago is that, even though I am afraid of getting hurt, I am not outside of feeling. A few days ago I realized that I started to like this guy. And he's really great. I also realized that I was OVER my ex. Like really, it was the most amazing feeling in the world, realizing that it doesn't matter what he does, I can be happy. So I started to like this other guy. And it was almost a sinking feeling. You see, he's claimed by one of my good friends. Well, they were together off-and-on and they're off right now, but she is pretty sure that he still has feelings for her and they'll get together. So I told her that I like him, but I promised not to do anything about my feelings - which I am upholding. I am not making it known that I like him, and I treat him just like I did before I started to like him, so basically just like I would treat any other guy friend. So I've been texting him and a couple days ago he said that he doesn't mind when I text him . . . :D eeep! So today at work he came to see me! And he said that he's gonna come say hi tomorrow too!! And he invited me over to his house - so I wasn't about to pass that up, I like him for Pete's sake. And I think he might like me a little bit. Which is tearing me apart because I can't hurt my friend like that, but I really like him. So I'm a little torn over what to do.
In any case - changes are happening and I am quite happy with them right now. Nighty Night :)
Things are changing for me in my life. Things aren't the same as they were a year ago, or even a month ago. I am about to embark on an adventure that is moving off to college - again. The difference this time is that after this move, I may not ever move back into my parents house again. I am becoming an adult. I am 5 months away from being 20, not longer a girl in her teens, but a woman in her 20s. My family dynamic is changing, our little family business is growing (we have a lot if employees), my dad is looking for a new job - one that will give him a sense of accomplishment because he is tired of the same old. My brother is turning 21 this year and is getting plopped into the life of an adult, financial struggles and all. My sister is turning 16 and will start high school - and dating. My little brother will be turning 12 in almost a year, it is all big things, no small things.
My life is changing. Something that I realized not long ago is that, even though I am afraid of getting hurt, I am not outside of feeling. A few days ago I realized that I started to like this guy. And he's really great. I also realized that I was OVER my ex. Like really, it was the most amazing feeling in the world, realizing that it doesn't matter what he does, I can be happy. So I started to like this other guy. And it was almost a sinking feeling. You see, he's claimed by one of my good friends. Well, they were together off-and-on and they're off right now, but she is pretty sure that he still has feelings for her and they'll get together. So I told her that I like him, but I promised not to do anything about my feelings - which I am upholding. I am not making it known that I like him, and I treat him just like I did before I started to like him, so basically just like I would treat any other guy friend. So I've been texting him and a couple days ago he said that he doesn't mind when I text him . . . :D eeep! So today at work he came to see me! And he said that he's gonna come say hi tomorrow too!! And he invited me over to his house - so I wasn't about to pass that up, I like him for Pete's sake. And I think he might like me a little bit. Which is tearing me apart because I can't hurt my friend like that, but I really like him. So I'm a little torn over what to do.
In any case - changes are happening and I am quite happy with them right now. Nighty Night :)
Sunday, June 1, 2014
Hurt
I have learned something very important this last month.
My problem is that I love someone who used to love me but no longer does. And it hurts. I love him so much more that I thought I did, even now that he has changed dramatically and is essentially a whole new person. In any case, we have the same friend group and are around each other a couple times a week.
Today I watched a video with him in it. I didn't expect to start crying, but I did. I learned through this that I am only hurting myself by loving him. He doesn't care one bit about me - actually sometimes I think he might care, but then it goes away as quickly as it came.
The fact of the matter is that I love him more than I did before... and I am hurting every single day that I am around him. Even thinking about him causes my chest to physically hurt. But I can't seem to pull myself away or forget no matter how much I try to convince myself that I will be better off without him.
Pain isn't always brought about my someone else, often it is brought upon ourselves. In this instance, it is better for me to hurt than to not feel at all. I'm afraid of someone else breaking my heart as much as he did and it causes me pain every single day.
My problem is that I love someone who used to love me but no longer does. And it hurts. I love him so much more that I thought I did, even now that he has changed dramatically and is essentially a whole new person. In any case, we have the same friend group and are around each other a couple times a week.
Today I watched a video with him in it. I didn't expect to start crying, but I did. I learned through this that I am only hurting myself by loving him. He doesn't care one bit about me - actually sometimes I think he might care, but then it goes away as quickly as it came.
The fact of the matter is that I love him more than I did before... and I am hurting every single day that I am around him. Even thinking about him causes my chest to physically hurt. But I can't seem to pull myself away or forget no matter how much I try to convince myself that I will be better off without him.
Pain isn't always brought about my someone else, often it is brought upon ourselves. In this instance, it is better for me to hurt than to not feel at all. I'm afraid of someone else breaking my heart as much as he did and it causes me pain every single day.
Perspective
So the last while I have really had a few learning experiences with perspective. Everyone has one, and it will most likely be different than those around you. Shocking, right?! Not really.
One thing that came up was different perspectives on discipline. Random, I know, but it made an impact on me. So when I was growing up, I don't really remember being disciplined much. Like, my parents never grounded us and they hardly ever took things away. I remember being told to go to my room if I was being a brat, but it was never considered a 'time out'. So there ya go, I don't really know how I learned to behave well, but I guess it worked somehow.
In any case, I was watching a YouTube vlog and it was about how a certain family disciplines their child. She referred to a few scriptures (5 to be exact) about discipline that they had chosen to make their choices with. A few of them talked about how children must be disciplined by 'the rod [of Christ]' they took this almost literally. She talked about how when their child misbehaves (she is 3 by the way) that she goes to time out and then gets a spanking - with a wooden paddle. This absolutely BAFFLED me. They also mentioned that they use a paddle instead of their hand because the bible said 'rod'. It also surprised me that they said it was every time she got in trouble. When I was younger I was only spanked a few times and it was always because I had done something that deserved a spanking, so it was serious, not just every time that I misbehave.
Fortunately for me, I was in an institute class the week previous and we were talking about the Rod of Iron and how it is a symbol for Christ's teachings. So in the scriptures it is most likely (well, in my perspective) talking about teaching your children with the teachings of Christ, not literally disciplining them with a rod. I really try to study the symbols in the scriptures so that when things like this come up, I am able to make a conclusion for myself.
I know that saying that sounds arrogant and I'm trying not to be judgmental. I am just addressing how I feel about this and, yeah. There's my disclaimer.
So yeah. There is my lesson in perspective for the day.
One thing that came up was different perspectives on discipline. Random, I know, but it made an impact on me. So when I was growing up, I don't really remember being disciplined much. Like, my parents never grounded us and they hardly ever took things away. I remember being told to go to my room if I was being a brat, but it was never considered a 'time out'. So there ya go, I don't really know how I learned to behave well, but I guess it worked somehow.
In any case, I was watching a YouTube vlog and it was about how a certain family disciplines their child. She referred to a few scriptures (5 to be exact) about discipline that they had chosen to make their choices with. A few of them talked about how children must be disciplined by 'the rod [of Christ]' they took this almost literally. She talked about how when their child misbehaves (she is 3 by the way) that she goes to time out and then gets a spanking - with a wooden paddle. This absolutely BAFFLED me. They also mentioned that they use a paddle instead of their hand because the bible said 'rod'. It also surprised me that they said it was every time she got in trouble. When I was younger I was only spanked a few times and it was always because I had done something that deserved a spanking, so it was serious, not just every time that I misbehave.
Fortunately for me, I was in an institute class the week previous and we were talking about the Rod of Iron and how it is a symbol for Christ's teachings. So in the scriptures it is most likely (well, in my perspective) talking about teaching your children with the teachings of Christ, not literally disciplining them with a rod. I really try to study the symbols in the scriptures so that when things like this come up, I am able to make a conclusion for myself.
I know that saying that sounds arrogant and I'm trying not to be judgmental. I am just addressing how I feel about this and, yeah. There's my disclaimer.
So yeah. There is my lesson in perspective for the day.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)