[Insert Defeated Title Here]

So I am at a turning point. I have started to fill out my mission papers -- SCREAMING! As soon as I started to do them, i realized that I do like someone, and it's someone I didn't plan on liking as anything other than a friend. This is weird, when you see someone as a friend one day and the next you look at them and it's almost like everything has changed. 

And right as I decide that I want to maybe do something with one guy, another one makes himself known and he's really great too. 

Today I was in a funk because the guy that I've admitted to myself that I like isn't interested (believe me, we've talked about it). It's hard because we're such good friends and I tell him pretty much everything, except this. I don't know how to tell him that I like him without ruining our friendship, so bleh. I just don't know what the freak to do anymore.

But it's okay because the Lord knows what he's doing, and I don't. So I'm choosing to trust him, not myself. 

Life is Well

It has been a WHILE since I've posted on here! Whoa.

Life has surely happened since then, and the nutshell version may be a bit rough.

School started in January and I am currently in the Deaf Studies program with an emphasis in Interpreting. Because I have to take 4 prerequisite ASL classes, I had to choose a minor and I chose Religious Studies. And I LOVE it so much. I'm taking ASL, Approaches to Religious Studies, Sociology, American Social Dance and Mormon Theology. It is amazing to me how much my classes all relate to each other, I almost get them confused sometimes. I also love my job, its fun and I'm really starting to get the hang of it.

In terms of life, I asked this guy I liked at the time on a date and he didn't exactly turn me down, but he didn't say yes either. Later I found out that he's dating someone -- and I an genuinely happy for him! That was quite the relief. There's this other guy in my ward that I think is great, and I'd like to go on a date with him but my only worry is that it would be boring, so I haven't done that yet. In terms of dating, I definitely need to do more, so I did last night. I went on a date with my friend and it was really nice. We're super comfortable with each other, so it's always a good time no matter what we are doing.

Lately, I have been very much integrating my schooling into my life. Especially my Mormon Theology class. Today I went to my parent's ward and I went to Young Women's with my sister and my Mom and we talked about the Atonement in Laurels. My experience with it this week was just an increased appreciation for it, and that i am able to know more about it than the average Christian, therefore I am able to use it to its full capacity.

Something that has saved me from quite a bit of hurt and pain is my standards. I was in a situation last night when I had a choice, I could stick to my standards or stray from them. The guy I was with was wanting to push the boundaries, but the way that I am, I bluntly said that I am worthy of my Temple Recommend and I fully intend to keep it that way. This saved me and I'm sure that if i hadn't thought of that I would be in a very awkward situation. And he respected that, and i am so grateful! My temple recommend saved me.

Life is hard, and there are times that seem like you can never win, but pushing through and hoping that you will do as the Lord knows you should life will all work out.