Old Things Happen Again

As I am starting this post, I don't have an adequate title. Because this post is probably just going to be random thoughts that have been going through my mind lately that I want to be able to look back on.

These last couple of weeks have been interesting. A little while back, Brendan texted me, and he apologized for ignoring me for 2 months. I hadn't really thought a whole lot about it, and I didn't have any negative feelings for him at all. I was happy that he had texted me, that's for sure. So a little while went by and we half attempted to hang out, but it never really happened because I didn't have a way to get to his apartment and my apartment isn't really a place to hang out with people alone. So after I bought a car, I had a way to get there. So we planned to hang out, and we did. And it was like old times. I mean, his hair is still too long, and he still doesn't go to church. But he is making steps to making his life better for himself.

I am still worried about him though, and even though I am trying not to be pushy, I wish I could just see him being truly happy. And in my experience the gospel is what makes me happy, and I wish that I could put that into him. Although I can't force anything upon him, I am still willing to be there for him because everyone deserves to have people around them who care about them in them most genuine way.

So we've only hung out a couple of times, but we do text a lot. And when were together, I enjoy just being around him. He does kiss me, and I don't mind it, but really doesn't mean anything to me. I feel kind of bad just leading him on a bit, but I know that he isn't looking for anything from it. And neither am I, I'm just bored and wish that I could feel like someone likes having me around because I feel like no one likes me and I am just a person in these people's lives that they wish would go away. And being around him makes me forget that, at least for a couple of hours. So I'll keep doing it, and I'm not doing anything wrong. My only thing now is that I don't want things to even get close to going too far, so I'm trying to set ground rules for myself.

We'll see where this goes haha.