So this last couple of weeks has been trying. There are things going on, and people are trying to give me advice for things that they can't even begin to understand.
So Jake, we are friends. He isn't interested in me as anything more than a friend, and it is amazing how much better I feel just knowing that and not having to wonder what he's thinking when we hang out. We hang out because we enjoy being around each other and have fun when we hang out. The thing is that he knows how I feel about him, and he still hangs out with me on occasion. And yeah, I still like him, and I think that he's adorable and funny and innocent and just all around great. And it is great to have a friend like that.
When it comes to the decisions that I am making right now, my family thinks they know what is going on in my head and everything that is going on. And it is killing me and making me feel like an idiot.
This whole mission thing is stupid. And it is making me feel like dirt. My parents keep telling me that I am making the wrong decision and am backing out of something that I honestly never wanted to do in the first place. They have NO idea how much thought has gone into my decision to cancel my mission call. They keep telling me that just because I have a call that I have to go, even though it feels completely wrong for me. I can't feel good about it, and I really am trying and am taking steps to be a functional human when I do cancel it.
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